Tag Archive: friends


My goodness, my goodness! Time supposedly flies when you’re having fun (amazing how it never gets redirected thanks to bad weather), and it did over Christmas break. We had a great deal of fun and commotion. It wasn’t all fun, was it, Carey? She went back to North Carolina over Christmas break and had bad weather flight trouble. I think her only flight that went as planned was the one from Portland to Chicago. Everything else was changed. Other than that, though, there was lots of fun. For Christmas, my mom set up a house rental over at the coast, and most of us were able to go. Let me just give you some highlights:

  • Shelah managed her schedule so that she was able to be at most all of the family stuff. Working as a hair stylist has meant that she’s missed a lot, and it was awesome to have her around over Christmas.
  • Ping pong! The table at the rental was in poor repair, but since we aren’t serious players, it really just made for more hysterical laughing.
  • Playing Hungry, Hungry Hippos with Kalyn
  • Kimberly’s exit line, delivered with perfect timing and intonation: “I’m so confused!” Nobody has any idea what she found so confusing, but, boy! Was it funny as she muttered it and left the room.
  • Mom chortling over spam texting Rachel’s phone
  • Presents – I had lots of fun giving them this year
  • Stephanie’s genuine disappointment over not getting underwear for Christmas. Who wants underwear for Christmas?!? Stephanie! Maybe she’ll get lucky for her birthday.
  • Grabbing drinks at the Lincoln City McMenamin’s with Shelah, Stephers, and Rach. The waitress was lousy, unhelpful, and rude, but the barkeeper was her antithesis, so we got just what we wanted and had a good time, anyway.
  • lots of good food, including Suzanne’s Chocolate Cake, and coffee. Can’t forget the coffee.
  • Speaking of which, I took a hand grinder over to the coast and had a great time grinding beans with Kimberly and Kalyn. They must have liked it, too, because they kept turning that handle with never a complaint!
  • Nertz!
  • Good shopping trip at the Lincoln City outlets – we found some great deals and got there early enough to stay ahead of the crowds.
  • Rach got to come back and hang out with us for a couple of extra days. She and I went to the airport to pick Carey up and then took Rach home, which, except for Carey getting back a day later than planned, worked out well.
  • Watching Rach and Stephers pouring over airline tickets trying to help Carey get home
  • Jacob and Elizabeth missed the coast trip, but they came over for several hours one day after we got back, and it was great fun.
  • Playing WoW Sunday afternoon with Rach, Jacob, and Stephers. Shelah brought her computer over, too, but since she’s not a WoWer, she played Sims. It was fun company!
  • Watching Carey when she opened her birthday present from Rach – heehee!

I could go on, but I’m sure you get the idea. It did make writing posts difficult. There was so much commotion! People’s schedules are just, more or less, getting back to normal. I’m hoping that means I’ll get back to a more regular posting schedule, too.

Happy New Year!

For all those New Year's diets!

For all those New Year’s diets!

My Poor, Neglected Blog

I have neglected it for the past few weeks. What can I say? The poor thing’s had to endure my silence. It has been a busy couple of weeks. First part of this week I spent either sick or with my back tweaked again. I’m not certain which, though I’m leaning toward sick. Then again, it could have been both, ’cause that would be, like, so much fun, right? 😛

Last week, I graduated from physical therapy. They sent me off with an injunction to continue my exercises at home. I was doing that and possibly being a little too diligent at the beginning of this week. My back complained, the cranky, ol’ thing. Really, it is much better, and it’s amazing what a difference that makes in my day to day activities. It’s amazing how much more energy I have and how much more motivated I am to do things!

Another thing that has changed in the last month or so is Carey starting grad school. She’s working hard, and she’s really doing well. I’m very proud of what she’s already accomplished. Before she started, I knew that it would change her life up a lot. I knew most of her world would be occupied with work and school, because when a person is working and going to school, that’s what tends to happen. I did that not so long ago. If I wasn’t working, I was probably doing homework or in a class, and if I wasn’t doing any of that, chances were very good I was thinking about one of them. I knew she’d be fairly preoccupied, and that there would be consequences. She definitely plays less WoW these days, and her homework has cut deeply into watching Star Trek: The Next Generation, among other things. Facebook sees less of her, too, I suspect.

What I didn’t think too much about was how my life would be changed by Carey’s school adventures. I did figure I’d end up with a few more of the household chores, and I knew I’d have to respect her need for time to study, but I definitely underestimated the impact on my schedule. After all, I’m not the one attending. I might not be sitting in her classes and doing all her homework, but I am involved. One thing neither of us appreciated was that it’s been a decade since Carey attended college, and the changes technology has made to the college experience. Online classes are a sometimes wonderful and somewhat confusing new experience for her! The sheer amount of access she’s got online (class, library, etc.) has been overwhelming at times, and I’ve been the lifeboat for some of it. Another difference was that she didn’t work much ten years ago, and she’s needed some help juggling her schedule. I have also assisted her with figuring out what assignments to do when, helped interpret instructions for her, proofread some of her work, shown her how to streamline some of her work, and so on. I guess what I’ve been doing is teaching Carey how to go to college as an adult. Too bad we couldn’t have started lessons before she actually started classes!

Yet another blind spot was I never considered how I would feel about her school days. If you know me much, you might know that I test as INTP on a Meyers-Briggs personality type indicator. The P is negotiable. It’ll switch to J once in a while, but the T, the Thinker side, is set. I would be a thinker and not a feeler, so it’s pretty common for me to have blind spots regarding my feelings. I kinda forget on a semi-regular basis that I have them, and the feelings I’ve had about Carey and school haven’t been universally pleasant and wonderful. I’m proud of her and happy for her and all that good stuff, but I realized that for myself, I sometimes feel pretty sorry. I could be jealous without much effort, because what she’s learning sounds like fun! It’s all intellectually stimulating and stuff, and I love that kind of thing. I never get too far into my green eyed makeup. It’s really not my thing. I have pretty blue eyes, and the green clashes with too many of my clothes. 😉

What’s been a more serious emotional struggle is that it’s easy for me to start feeling ignored and neglected, and I could get real petty real fast if I slip too far into that. It’s not a good feeling to feel like Carey’s getting to have all the fun while I get – oh joy! – to do the housework and be the good friend and supportive roommate who is invisible behind the mountain of books and assignments. It’s not a good feeling to feel like school stole my best friend. Those kind of feelings, while needing some validation, also need, I think, to be carefully shepherded. They are true, to a degree, or maybe it’s that they’re based in some truth, like the fact that Carey is busier and has less time to spend with me. The temptation with that, though, is to get carried away and start feeling like that means she doesn’t care about me. That school is a year plus commitment for her can serve to reinforce that feeling, because it’s been several weeks, and I know it won’t magically get better next week! It’s amazing, isn’t it, how little voices love to whisper to all those hurt feelings and insecurities and unmet needs in order to inflame and exacerbate them? It can all feel much too true. Fortunately for me, while I never thought about it, Carey knows me well. She doesn’t have a load of free time, but she does make a deliberate effort to engage with me. It does make a difference.

Guess that’s about it for now. I do have some other ideas about posts I’d like to write, but I thought a general update was a good idea for right now. Since it’s been a while and all that, ya’ know?



It’s Not Your Day

I am amazed at how difficult it can be to keep up a blog when life keeps you away from a keyboard. I shouldn’t be, I suppose, and it’s my own dang fault. It’s summer (please ignore the rain clouds trying to pretend otherwise), and I’m taking advantage of it to do some fun events and trips. Makes it a little more difficult to write!

Some years back, a friend who knew that I like signs with funny sayings gave me one that says, “I can only please one person each day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow doesn’t look good, either.” To be honest, at the time, I didn’t think the sign was all that funny. While somewhat true (can’t make everybody happy, that’s for sure!), it seemed a little on the rude side. But, hey, I appreciated the thought, took the sign home, and hung it up.

It so happened that I hung it up where I could see it. Since it was in eyesight on a regular basis, every once in a while, I’d spend a few moments thought on the annoying puzzle represented by that sign. Like I said earlier, it sure is true that you can’t make everybody happy, but confining it to one person seemed a draconian and rather stingy measure. It stung me, because while I don’t think I’ve ever been all about making everybody happy, I have absolutely at times spent myself trying to make specific people happy, and I’d reached a point where I wasn’t very happy with myself over what it cost me to try to make those folks happy. Got all that? I’d stand there and wonder why some people just couldn’t be happy, or how many people I should be trying to make happy, or why I was so unhappy with the whole thing. It was like a sore tooth that I kept busy worrying. I kept thinking about it and thinking about it and thinking about it.

One reason it bothered me so much is that I couldn’t reconcile my fascination with keeping up my efforts to make those special people happy with meeting God’s command of putting Him first or – even more difficult – loving God with all that I am. Please feel free to disagree, but I honestly believe that when we’re all wrapped up in making other people happy, like when our sense of self or identity is dependent on their moods, and we’re sacrificing self, others, and what we know to be right, we’ve crossed the line of loving them as ourselves over to idolatry and worshiping somebody or something besides God. They’ve become god. See why I got so squirmy and bothered? Packing about the conviction that you’ve made other relationships more important than God Himself is not and should not be a comfortable thing.

Not knowing a way out of that mess makes it even more discomfiting. It wasn’t just me getting all crazy and gooey and donning a door mat costume because I thought it was Halloween. Those were people for whom I cared deeply. These people mattered to me. In fact, people in general should matter, because God loves them, too, right? They’re all created in God’s image just like me. It was so confusing, and I bugged God about this a lot. How was I supposed to do all this? How was I supposed to love them and love God and love myself? Bleah! I had no idea.

God, as is His habit, answered those prayers. I was looking at that sign one day, and I realized what was truly true about it. It is true that I can only please one person each day. The awesome thing is that I only need to make one person each day happy. God really does tell us to love Him with all that we are. If I really wanted to live my life well, instead of trying to keep up my juggling act, I could try for that. Loving all those people didn’t mean that I had to keep tying myself into knots to make sure they knew I loved them. I didn’t understand how that was supposed to work, but I did decide to give trusting God with it, myself, and those people was worth a try. Eventually, that path led me into a lot of new freedom. It’s amazing, when I stop to consider, how much bondage I lived in trying to make others happy.

So, should I ever tell you, “Hey, I’m sorry, but it’s not your day,” please don’t be offended! I love you very much. I just need to put God first and trust Him with you, which I’m convinced is the most loving thing I can do for you, anyway.

Besides, today is Jennie’s day! Tomorrow is looking good for her, too!